'Feeling' My Way Forward

This week has been exceptionally busy….however I am getting better and better at being organized so usually things go very well. I guess for me it’s all about adjustment – this part of the spiritual path is quite different from any other and it has taken me a few weeks (months?) to figure out why.

These days my life is coming back together (well, it’s about time!) both in expected and unexpected ways. Of course, over the years I have been very busy dreaming, planning and hoping for this time, but now that it is here……

Well, it’s a little bit disconcerting.

Or strange.

And I am feeling as if I am still waiting for things to cave in or the bottom to fall out…..or perhaps something even more then that.

Even though I am anticipating something great, that my life is coming back, growing, shifting, changing and taking shape and I am in awe of what is taking place. If anything I am still learning how to walk this new path – on this part of the journey I must deal with all I have carried in my heart……

For so very long I have not really lived or felt anything too deeply (the uncertainty and insecurity covered everything)…..not that I was shut down or anything. My heart was guiding me and leading me, however some of those inner doors to the profound were tightly closed.

Now, in this new place I have to re-learned (energy re-pattern) how to let those doors open. Let my guard down and relax into this new pace of life changing events I have set for myself.

My heart was strong enough to guide me this far…..and I know it is strong enough to take me the rest of the way. Now, where did I put that inner map!

April

ducks in the herb garden

Working Through An Energy Block - Finding the Positive

Today has been a day of change (again!) not in a huge way…but just the subtle under currents have been shifting around. This of course will create major changes on the surface in due time.

One thing I have caught myself saying several times a day lately is “I don’t know’. Actually this is something new for me, mostly because I firmly believe that I do know, my body knows and the information comes up to the surface as I need it.

Of course this is coming in from somewhere else and is in the energy around me. I have been working away at this block it has created in my energy field (it’s been there for lifetimes) and my body and come up with some interesting things.

First of all – as this block shrinks a lot of old ideas, interests and dreams have come flooding back in to fill the gaps. Some of these wishes and hopes I have long since given up on or thought I could take them no further.

Another surprising element of removing this block is finding out how much it has affected my mind and therefore my thinking. This one particular block has very much been at the core of all my frustrations over the years, especially interfering with my work (we are what we think).

And it has revolved around one person (I was bullied as a child and even as an adult by this person) who has been a constant reminder of just how unsafe and open I was in my energy field.

Now that I am loosening these chains and finding the way forward, I not only feel like a new person…it sort of seems as if I am something different from what I had thought I was (does that make sense?) or only had glimpses of.

And yet, it’s not as if I don’t know myself….I guess what has been coming up to the surface are things I thought about, but dared not dream about. Parts of me buried so deeply, even I had forgotten they were there.

In a way that is the most positive thing I can say about the situation of being bullied – you learn to hide and store away all that is precious to you….once it is safe, it’s like a treasure chest has opened….

An unexpected bonus!

April

Filling the Void - with more of myself

Today has been a day of deep magic – a lot has changed and shifted for me in a very short period of time. I have been fasting during the daytime – usually until I can sense a shift in my energy and then eating a small meal at the end of the day.

The reason I mention magic is because that is exactly what it feels like…it’s as if something other worldly yet quite wonderful has emerged out of the darkness, but it is of such a creative energy and bursting with potential.

From where I am standing right now, it seems as if this part of me or these aspects of my being have been cloaked and closed off for a very long time. The work I have been doing recently – such as taking my food to a whole new level (wild harvested etc.) – has been opening up an entire new dimension within myself.

I am still not entirely certain all that will emerge out of this – I know it has to do with my lifetimes past – the person I was in other times and the pieces of me that had been put down because of my beliefs and my work with herbs, energy medicine and intuition.

Perhaps more of this ancient knowledge will re-form in my sub-consciousness as I am continually freed from the constraints of times past – fearful situations and all things to do with being held back in any way.

Today I feel as if I am surging ahead in so many ways…not only with my creativity , but with my garden and each of my hopes, goals and dreams. Perhaps some of the fear has been lifted and is continuing to lift along with this heavy energy.

It has been a long time in coming – but once the energy triggers are in place, things will begin to move up and out, to help push out the darkness that needs so much to be displaced.

All that is left then…is to fill in the void with more of myself – what a lovely feeling that is!

April

Frustration on The Spiritual Path...Living A Lie

Being frustrated, tired, fearful and feeling held back, tired and fearful (smile!) are some common emotions and experiences on this path. I meet and talk to people all the time who express the very same sentiment about their own attempts to create a better life for themselves or to get something moving forward - to no avail.

From my own observations, it seems that we continue to immerse ourselves in this level of frustration as long as we remain unaware of our true passions, dreams and are not fully aligned with them. One thing that I have noticed as well is there are times when we know full well our ultimate goals, however we are not yet in the space for these to happen.

Therefore, space (moving into the right energy for creation to take place) and place (living, walking and talking from the best position for forward momentum) are both key aspects to be considered here in our efforts to reduce frustration and allow spirit to move us forward.

I say it often in my blogs and to people that I talk with - once you become aware of a better way or the truth, you must start taking steps to act on this enlightenment. This does not mean that everything will change overnight (in some cases that may occur) but it does mean that you allow this knowledge to guide your next actions. 

This is what I refer to as living with the 'lights on' in full recognition of truth. There are so many things that take place around each of us daily, that are part of such a huge untruth or lie - this simply requires some time to untangle. 

Notice here that I did not say 'a truth', I used the words 'the truth'. There is only one truth and therefore there is only one way forward and that is through the body, mind and soul. You cannot become a fully conscious being without bringing all of you along for this experience.

Food for thought,

April

This past few days I came across an expression -- "it you are earning a paycheck, you are following someone else's dream, if you no longer count your pay, you are following your own dreams". Brilliant!

Imagination

These past few days have been bringing up some very interesting dreams - as there appears to be a bit of a clearing house taking place. I mentioned this phase of Food, Fast & Feast a few days ago, post Master Cleanse a lot takes place, in many ways far more then during the cleanse itself.

This time around has been very significant for me, as obstacles, blocks, stuckness and all these other feelings of being held back in life are being tackled one at a time and then removed from my way. Of course this involves participation on my part as well as the recognition of exactly what is taking place.

One thing that I have been realizing is that I have been carrying dreams around that are not mine, just the same as any other energy imprint, taking on someone else's energy will not only slow you down it will fester and create a block in your energy field. 

How many dreams do we carry that are not entirely our own, perhaps bits and pieces of hopes and desires that have become interwoven with our own from someone else's life. It is important to take some time after a cleanse and sort out exactly what is yours and what can be returned to sender.

This is an important weeding out process and should be taking place (often!) in all areas of our lives and bodies. In the same way that a detox cleans out old debris and toxins from the tissues, on an energetic level, it should also affect and begin to clean out all other aspects of our beings.

One other point that I wanted to make here as well - is do not compromise on your goals, dreams, hopes or desires. During this weeding out, make certain that you hold onto what is yours. There is always a way forward, you can and will have exactly what you want in life-  you have to keep moving and working steadily towards this end.

Some years ago, a well meaning friend sat me down and told me to narrow my focus, whittle down my larger then life dreams into one or at the most, two things and let go of the rest. Needless to say, this person is no longer a part of my life, but my dreams remain.  

Not one part of me or my hopes will be left behind.

Have a lovely day

April

One baby duck