I can’t always say in what order my life has changed. Over the years so many things – incidents, situations, even a spoken word, has had occasion to rock my world.
Often to the core.
But, there are those very few times in life, when I made a decision or found myself in a particular predicament, where I had no choice but to discover for myself exactly what I am made of.
And I have done that, time and again.
Looking back as I often do at this time of year, I can remember times when I have not felt as strong in myself as I do right now. Or times when I really doubted I could see something through to the very end.
These were the situations that held onto me and kept me back.
I had a tendency to be surrounded by people who left me feeling fearful and doubtful and for years I would blame myself for a lack of will power, an inability to stay the course or self-sabotage.
Yet, when I distanced myself from these groups of people and the mind-set that went along with them, well I found my own mind and the rest quickly became history. Because, I finally had the energy, the courage and the fortitude to make the necessary changes to my life.
In my reflections at this time, I see strong patterns of change throughout this past decade in particular where I have made significant shifts in my thinking or mindset around certain expectations (placed on my by society, others, myself?)- which resulted in profound change in the path I am on.
Perhaps it’s as simple as making the choice, seeing it through – sticking with that new energy and then forging ahead on this new-found road.
One of the most significant decisions I (we) made as a family was to move away from modern chemical methods of treating and dealing with sickness and health. In its’ place I committed to completely adhering to all natural means of creating and maintaining health and healing.
Since the premise of any life altering, world changing shift is the fact that you don’t go back – you keep moving forward no matter what happens…..this decision pushed all of my buttons and of course I had to deal with everything that came my way, naturally.
Working my way through the fear and ill health of cancer with only my intuition to guide my healing process gave me hope, courage and a profound new respect for the powerhouse of healing stored deep within my body cells.
Another monumental shift occurred when in keeping with my no drug or chemical intervention framework a few years later, I knew I would be having my baby at home in a free birth. You can read the story for yourself here– but even 7 years on from that time, I have to say it changed me forever.
I gave birth to some part of me that day, an elemental force that had not existed on this planet in nearly forever. Perhaps not since my first incarnation before the shock of life’s hardships in this physical dimension took a toll and seared their way onto my soul.
Taking the birth of my child into my own hands – thus avoiding another surgery and MRSA infection, potential harm to myself and my baby, not to mention the indignity of it all – taught me one more thing about myself; life has a force all of it’s own and when we allow it, the living of it takes over.
Lastly, we took the decision to go it on our own without seeking, searching for or believing we needed money or jobs from sources other then what we created ourselves. Cutting ties that bound us to this just over broke endlessness, which left us feeling useless and in despair most of the time.
It was hard to feel motivated on emptiness…..so a truer sense of sustainable living was what we were after - we had to sustain ourselves with no outside help.
After all, we have education, training, many skills and brains that work (LOL), so why not find it in ourselves to make our own way in this world and stop the forced slavery of following someone else’s dream or worse, losing your dreams to nothingness.
Should be easy, right? Not! Besides, at the end of the day, we didn’t feel we had a choice….backed into a corner by the recession sorts out the reality on the ground in short order.
Come out fighting or die trying!
Not one part of any of these changes, was an easy decision or a comfortable situation to find oneself in with a family in tow – at least not in the beginning. However, like all the other intuitive, life altering leanings in my life, it is working out, we are moving forward and I am happier then before.
Perhaps, I am happier then I have ever been because I have taken back some measure of control – finally steering my own ship. Here’s hoping for smooth sailing and warm seas….
April
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| Sailing Camp - Glandore |
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